By Sherry Kuehl Special to The Star
I’ve never thought of myself as a hoarder. Even during the pandemic, I never once got overzealous about buying toilet paper. Sure, I was having to ration squares of Charmin Ultra Soft, but we were all sacrificing, weren’t we?
But now I’m smack dab in the middle of a hoarding crisis that has nothing to do with world affairs and everything to do with the fact that I’m going out of style.
This is a harsh reality to recognize and endure. In fact, it just kind of slaps you right upside the head. You go through life and one day, bam, you’re out of style. Things that are beloved to you are going, going, gone.
My out-of-style epiphany occurred at Target, in the hair care aisle to be exact. This is where hot rollers are sold — or used to be. But now it was full of curling irons rebranded as “hot tools,” blow dryers and “volumizing hot air brushes.”
There wasn’t a hot roller set in sight. I was panicking.
A girl needs her hot rollers. Especially this girl, who has been in an exclusive relationship with hot rollers since the ’70s. My entire hair routine for almost 50 years has been to plug in hot rollers, let them heat until they’re hot enough to scorch the top of my ear and then put six of them in my hair.
Most assuredly over the years I could have moved on to, say, a curling iron. But I lack the dexterity and patience to calmly curl separate chunks of hair while hoisting a heating tool. Instead I enjoy the ease, and laziness, of just grabbing some hair, putting a roller in and then doing other stuff like making the bed while the hot rollers create curl magic.
This means there is absolutely no way I can see myself embracing 21st century hair technology and begin using state-of-the-art blow dryers with styling tools that cost hundreds of dollars. These contraptions are so complicated and labor intensive that you need to watch multiple videos to figure out how to use them.
The hot roller is easy. Plug it in. Put rollers in hair.
My daughter has one of these high-tech hair tools, and I just don’t get the appeal. It seems like an overly complex way to style your hair. I’ve repeatedly asked her why she just doesn’t use hot rollers. Her reply is always a huge eye roll.
This is because hot rollers have gone out of style. They’ve seen their glory days and I fear sooner than later they will stop being made. This has propelled me to begin hoarding.
I currently have purchased two sets of hot rollers and I’m just getting started. One thing slowing me down just a little is that some hot rollers are outrageously expensive.
In an effort, I’m guessing, to sell them to Gen Z, the hot roller is being “improved” to create a “salon blow out” with ceramic rollers for “less frizz and added shine.”
All this sounds great except for the price tag of well over $100.
A part of me is outraged by the cost, but another part of me wants to support the hot roller rebranding movement to halt their extinction. I can’t imagine having to do my hair without hot rollers.
Perhaps more importantly, hot rollers deserve respect. They may not be high-tech but nothing creates a bouncy head of hair like a heated roller, and I’ve got almost five decades of pictures to prove it.
Perhaps, like the people who use hot rollers, they’re not out of style. They’re just underappreciated.
Reach Sherry Kuehl at snarkyinthesuburbs@gmail.com, on Facebook at Snarky in the Suburbs @snarkynsuburbs, on Instagram @snarky.in.the.suburbs, and snarkyinthesuburbs.com.
